Sunday, 25 August 2013

THE OVERVIEW OF SPECIMEN WOMAN

Econo-Scientifi c analysis of a Woman.

Element: Woman. Symbol: WO+

Discoverer :Engr J.A. Ezeume (Lab attendant Olumide Jimoh)

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg, isotopes
vary from 40 – 200 kg

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with thin film of
make-up.

2. Boils at room temperature.

3. Freezes without any known reason.

4. Melts if given special treatment.

5. Bitter if incorrectly used.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a
range of Precious stones and absorbs great
quantities of expensive substances.

2. May explode spontaneously without prior
warning and for no known reason.

3. Most powerful money reducing agent
known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in social gatherings.

2. Can b a great aid to relaxation.

3. Can be very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when
happy.

2. Turns pale green when placed beside a
better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced
hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do
not come into direct contact with each
other WARNING!!!!

PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL
HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE
CAUTIOUS!

Saturday, 24 August 2013

THE MAIN REASON WHY DELSU STUDENTS WANTS STRIKE OFF

AN OPEN LETTER TO ASUU FROM STUDENTS OF DELSU

DELSUITES
WE ARE MISSING SCHOOOOOL!! ASUU why na?
wow! can't believe itz now 50 dayz and counting...
We miss school Gate! (All dose rogers wey dey Smart for campus 3 esp !!) =))
We miss campus SHUTTLE DRIVERS!! (Dem nor dey eva get change!!) =))
We miss MOTEL!! (5 guys go dey huzzle 2 teach 1 gal hw to swim!!!)
We miss BRAVO! (I reserve my comment, but their bread sha !!!)
We miss ATSCAN HALL !!! (D only place wey we fit host both fellowship nd party2geda!!) 24/7) =))
We miss NIGHT CLASS !!! (Guyz toastin, galz greein, thieves thiefing, 90% sleeping) =))
We miss LIBRARY!! (Where we dey quietly charge our fone)
We miss CAMPUS 4 (were we drink palms and some smoke weed)
We miss JAME'S SHOP (were we cut our Hair, play PS αи∂ charge fones) =))
We miss SCHOOL CAFE (were we chat withour MAGA and register our course forms for free)
We miss ALL D BANKS IN ABK (where we always queue up)
We miss CAMPUS 3 SMALL GATE(where keke hustle for passengers in d afternoon nd make shakara in d evening)
We miss SATURDAYS IN CAMPUS 3 (wen regular female students hustle to meet big shots dat are weekend students)
We miss BLUE PLANK, were most guys de eat Santana αи∂ cowleg
We miss our COURSEMATES wen de run ðεy go fixed class sidelining some others...
We(guys) miss our CUSTOMER in small market (her pikin too make brain)
We miss CAMPUS 2 BIG GATE(the apple, pineapple, orange, pawpaw etc)
We miss GURLS HOSTEL were girls de waka wt pant nd flat breast... lol;). We miss kuti street,where we dey chop MAMA NELSON FOOD every night..Her meat #50 sha... We MISS JA FLEX,where we dey chop pomo #70
*************
Now I understand why asuu no wan call off strike. Of all thinz u guys missed,no lecture? No wonder wole soyinka say this generation was dead on arrival..... Although sha,I miss these thinz too.
WHALEMOUTH SENDS AN OPEN LETTER TO AY
  • As events unfolds at the Rivers State House of Assembly crisis lingers on, just as a statement made by Hon.Evans Bipi. Drew my attention, be it that he was the attacker or the "attackee" is none of my concern as my write up is not to point fingers.
    Widely travelled was the statement he made, saying that our amiable First Lady, Her Excellency Dame Patience Jonathan was his JESUS ON EARTH and as a result no one got any right or audacity to question or pose as a threat to His Jesus. The Spirit of Peter a disciple of Jesus I see in Hon. Evans
    Looking at the comparison of Hon. Evans Bipi critically I see some senses in it, We all got our Jesus here on earth. Jesus said to his disciples "I am not leaving you alone, I will send a helper" Jesus can come to you in so many ways so therefore; Her Excellency is now the Later's helper. However, I have asked myself some salient yet rhetorical questions, like "why would a man compare another man to his Almighty saviour" "how can a God be compared to just a mere woman" while brain fighting on these, I only got one answer which says. "Ye are little gods" when this result arose I told myself, therefore; for one to be compared as JESUS, thou shalt possess those things Jesus got. It was at it this point I knew that just as Evans Bipi got his Jesus here on earth I Usiaphe Kevin a.k.a Whale Mouth I do really got my own JESUS here on earth.
    Now, that I have been able to come out publicly to proclaim a man my Jesus here on earth then, this man must have been living a Jesus' lifestyle and here is many but a few of my travails with the master.
    Just like the Jesus Christ who is now seated in Heaven, this man was born in unison with him, though no angel proclaimed his birth, but brought into the world by a commoner yet he was carrying so much to be needed by the world, there was a purpose to his birth. This man may not be born in a manger yet, his environment and upbringing look like one.
    Subsequently as Jesus was known for beginning his ministry at the early age, so this man was. JESUS Christ never at one point in time disassociated himself from the Father, that is how my own Jesus here on earth will at every opportunity given to him recognise and appreciate the handiwork of his father in his life, then you keep hearing the name "ALI BABA" on his lips. Just as the heavenly father chose JESUS CHRIST and then coming to earth to make Peter, Matthew, James, John Andrew and others fishers of men, so it is my own Jesus here on earth took Seyi Law, Elenu, Shakara, Emeka Smith, Acapella, Pencil, Whale Mouth and others to the riverside casted his net for us, gave us fishes and taught us how to fish, giving us at intervals hooks and baits so we could fish well.
    An incident sometime ago precisely 1st October 2013, at the city of Enugu where a room service young lad, was given a key to unlock his career of becoming a model cum presenter which was made possible by my Jesus here on earth who only saw what is on the inside of this young kid and gave him an opportunity to excel in it. Something like this is seen when the name "UNKNOWN aka ELVIS GREY" is mentioned. At that moment what came to my mind was the story of Jesus Christ and the woman of Sameria, because for being his room service potter only he was given an opportunity and that also reminds me of Jesus's saying I came not only for the Israelites...
    Humility is one key symbols the Lord Jesus portrayed here on earth, and when I try to think about one who got that to the fullest is no other than my Jesus here on earth. No wonder he is so quick to apologise to whom ever fill aggrieved from his tweets, utterances, jokes and statements amidst his present status quo. This is further proven when I was seen as friend not a servant by him just as Peter and other disciples where seen by Jesus.
    As Peter was given the platform to perform miracles, same was I and my colleagues now enjoy pleasantries of, getting awards and laurels, travelling all over the world for events, becoming national figures, receiving calls from all over the world with statements like "I saw you on Tv", "You were wonderful at the show" and so on. We are actually walking on the sea, just as Peter did. Thanks to my Jesus on earth. It is pertinent to note also that even when we are about to get drawn just like Peter, he is desirous to pull us back to our feet.
    He is a teacher and a father, if I am to write out few things have learnt from him without a direct conversation with him, I would be needing a carton of pen ordered from BIC factory, not to mention the ones I learnt while with him. A Chinese saying has it that "discussing with an experience person is worth more than 10 years of education. An innovative Jesus he is, this is seen as he goes deep in studies, research, thoughts, and hard work to get to the world something new and fresh. No wonder when the adulterous woman was about to be stoned the usual way, JESUS CHRIST took his time to write on the floor did his research and came out with new resulting different from what the scribes and Pharisees knew. Now I realise the reasons my pings are well replied at 2:00am, that is when my master is at work. A good reason he tells me never to toil with my academics Today we all enjoy directly or indirectly the good results of my Jesus here on earth, because the skits, concerts, and event management ideas seen everywhere today was the sleepless night of my Jesus.
    When I see those things have been opportuned to. have or be part of, I asked myself "if not for him, how would these have been possible". When ever I board a flight today I remember my first flight in 2010, sitting with super stars like 2Face, Ice Prince, Wande Coal and others in a hummer Limo, getting to hear my name on radio as one of the comedians to participate in Africa's best comedy show. All do say is "Thank you Jesus, for giving me Jesus"
    Notwithstanding, his critics are numerous just as his followers and you all know that, that is a quality of Jesus. Having criticisms everywhere is not a problem, not succeeding in midst of your critics is the huge problem because, Jesus who was crucified rose to the utter most shock of his enemies this same story applies to my Jesus whom whenever they think he would fail that is where he outshine. He was booed at the beginning of his career in a city now he gets a triumphant entry of over 6000 capacity of Eko hotel and suites in that same city and other cities and other countries.
    Furthermore, just one thing I pray for my Jesus here on earth that he should be better than my JESUS in heaven, because my JESUS in heaven said to him "greater things shall you do". This is the reason while my Jesus in heaven marked 33 years on earth, you who is my Jesus here on earth will live to celebrate more years.
    AYO MAKUN a.k.a AY COMEDIAN, I may look like Joseph of Arimathea who was a disciple but not known, I say to you, you are my father, you are my Jesus here on earth. Whatever I am today is simply because you agreed to be my father and my Jesus. There is no way I can pay back what I have learnt and gained from you, am left with nothing rather than to thank and pray for you.
    That as you mark another year of your many many years God will make you bigger, You shall live to see your children's children. Just as Christano Ronaldo serves as escort to Messi at each year's world best footballer awards, so will your enemies escort you to thanksgivings. As God have used you to put smile into the faces of young comedians like us, and the nation entirely, the only tears permitted to be in your eyes shall be tears of JOY.
    As I write this on the day I am awarded as the Best Comedian 2013 at the Urhobo Art and Cultural Award Night held by UPU. I dedicate the award to you sir, it belongs to you, and I know as you are there for me, more of it will come to me.
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SIR MIGWO SIR
    By WHALE MOUTH(winner AY Open Mic)

MEET THE NEW KID ON THE BLOCK OF NIGERIAN COMEDY

Meet the new kid of nigerian comedy. Odeh Ajiri Princewill popularly known as Princewill is a hot and hillarious comedian presently ,making waves. he is spontaneous and creative and the ceo of PRINAJ MEDIA CONCEPT,presently the young man is planning on launching an event company tagged PRINAJ EVENTS which would specialise in organising of events such as weddings,book launch, birthdays and all kind of ceremony, ladies and gentlemen i present to you PRINCEWILL.......

Friday, 23 August 2013

Comedyplus magazine set to release new edition

I can authouritatively tell you that Femi edwards the publisher of ComedyPlus mgazine  is set to release its next edition tagged : RENAISSANCE EDITION. this edition would feature top stories on the popular AYs open mic winners amongst whom are Koloman,Akpororo,Akapella,Emeka Smith,Elenu and other great comedians like PRINCEWILL and other issues on entertainment. Im very sure this one is what you wont want to miss. watch out.........